


Only a Coward

by wonderlandiscrumbling



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale loves Crowley, First Kiss, First Time Sex, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, WW2 setting, angst ending, aziraphale has a penis, crowley has a vagina, post the church scene, sex scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:48:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23381197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderlandiscrumbling/pseuds/wonderlandiscrumbling
Summary: Aziraphale had worried after turning down Crowley's holy water proposal that he'd never see the demon again, that is until he comes to rescue him at the church. Now his feelings for him are doubled and complicated.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	Only a Coward

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who got sad story motivation after listening to The Heroine by Unwoman on repeat

A sort of tense silence had filled the Bentley as they drove away from the wreckage where a church once stood, bodies buried beneath the debris. Aziraphale kept a tight hold on the books that Crowley had saved for him, books that had indeed meant a lot to him, but not more than their physical forms of course. He chanced glances over at his companion who he hadn’t seen in quite some time, not since he asked him for holy water at the park. He’d feared he’d never see him again after his harsh denial, harsh words spoken that shoved him at a distance, safety. He wanted to even then to reach out and touch his arm, to assure him that he hadn’t done it to hurt him, he hadn’t meant they weren’t friends, he’d only wanted to protect him. Crowley, he feared lived in denial about their situation, it was like he didn’t realize, or he just didn’t care. Aziraphale knew he’d be punished if Heaven found out they were friends, if they sensed the love he held for the demon, but Crowley would be destroyed, taken out of existence entirely, and that thought choked him. He couldn’t handle that, eternity without the one creature he felt a kinship with. He tried to gauge his emotions, thought of how casual and stand-offish Crowley had tried to be at the Church once all was said and done, the sweet temporary brush of fingers, a touch he longed to chase after. Deep down he wanted more, always more from him, and he knew how selfish that was. He was an angel, it was wrong for him to lust after a demon, to love him as deeply as he did; it wasn’t a love like he held for other beings, not a natural gift, no this was a personal love he held for him and him alone. 

He searched his mind for words to speak to him, some way to thank him other than an awkward smile and a broken thank you for the hundredth time. When they pulled up outside of his bookshop, he felt his heart sink in his chest, words choking in his throat, because he hadn’t the slightest clue which ones to speak. Crowley finally turned his head in his direction, stared at him through lenses so dark it was impossible especially in the darkness of the car to see his serpent eyes, to see his emotions. Aziraphable nervously fiddled with the leather strap holding the stack of books together, looked down at them, then at his shop. He still felt Crowley staring at him, probably waiting for him to get out of the car with a rushed goodbye as most of their meetings were to end. He fretted with how long it may be before their paths crossed again, he was rarely brave enough to reach out to him first, it was typically Crowley finding him or calling him up. He was always the brave one when it came to this, whatever this was. Aziraphale closed his eyes taking a deep breath, it came out shaky. He looked back to Crowley who still stared at him, waiting.

“Do you want to come inside; I’d like it if you did.” He said, invited, voice soft and unsure.

His heart beat a pathetically frantic beat, he worried it would explode. What he was quite sure was the ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of Crowley’s lip, he remained a second longer, a second that stretched on for a millennia. “I’d like that angel.” He said at last, his voice caressing a word, a title, a pet name.

When had it stopped sounding like a stated fact of what he was? He couldn’t recall. He smiled in return to Crowley’s agreement, a nervous laugh escaping him as he climbed out of the car. Crowley trailed behind him up to the entrance of the shop. The city was dead, quiet, still as if there was no human life to be found; it was a horrifying sort of silence that made him grateful to not be alone. Inside he locked the door behind them, sat the books down on a nearby table and shrugged out of his coat hanging it up. He watched as Crowley made his way through the rows of books, back towards the room they often sat in where they would drink and talk utter nonsense for hours on end if the world permitted it so. Aziraphale felt nervous as he made his way back to that sitting area where Crowley was already sat upon the couch, arm stretched across the back of it, legs kicked out before him crossed at the ankles, he’d removed his glasses and now his golden eyes were watching him as if waiting for something. Aziraphale started for his chair, but paused, turned and went to the couch sitting next to the demon, a few inches of safe space between their bodies. Crowley’s hand was behind his neck, his eyes closed when he felt the faintest touch of fingertips against his skin, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up.

“Why did you come to the church?” He asked at last, his voice a nervous mess of a thing that left him embarrassed. His cheeks flushed when he felt Crowley’s fingers lightly trace along his neck, up through the soft curls of blonde hair.

“I knew you were there, felt it.” He admitted, his tone casual.

Aziraphale looked towards him, brow furrowed in confusion. “Felt it?”

Crowley shrugged, he scooted closer to him on the couch, still a space remained between them. If either braved it then he could feel him, feel the press of his thigh against his. Aziraphale tried to keep focus on his face, watched as Crowley considered on what he should say if anything at all, prayed he would say something.

“I can feel it, feel you and your aura that you put out. I knew you were in trouble.” His voice was lower now, nearly a whisper as if he wanted nobody else to hear this information.

Aziraphale wanted to bring up how he’d been angry with him, they’d both been angry that day long ago. He wanted to apologize, wanted to ask why he would care so much what happened to him when he’d been so rude to him. It wasn’t like it had been the first time he’d acted cruelly towards Crowley, he thought back and couldn’t think of a single kind thing he’d done for him, it caused him deep guilt that he wanted more from him. He looked away down at his hands, fidgeted with his fingers. 

“I’m sorry,” 

“For what?”

“The park, the things I said to you that day, I shouldn’t have said it. I just, you scared me.” He confessed at last, he looked to Crowley, his eyes were focused on him. “If I had given you what you asked me for, if you ended up gone forever, I never would have forgiven you or myself.” Especially himself, he’d never be able to live eternity with that guilt.

Crowley closed the space between them, Aziraphale could feel the heat of his body, could feel warm breath against his face, a hand against his jaw and fingers lovingly caressing his skin. “I’d never leave you; you know that. Right?” There was a pained look in his eyes as he realized that Aziraphale never believed that, always worried that one day he’d not see him again. “I’m so sorry angel, it’s not what I meant.” He whispered, the angel’s heart pounded, and he longed to be kissed or to kiss. He didn’t know anymore.

He took the risk and placed a hand against Crowley’s thigh, eyes slipping shut as he closed the distance between their lips. The kiss was slow and gentle, a cautious hesitation lay within it as if they both feared the consequences of rejection. Crowley’s fingers eventually buried themselves in his hair, the kiss deepened, he found himself moaning into it. His body relaxed, his thoughts slipping into nothing but needing to feel his friend’s hands on him, his mouth on him. He allowed it when Crowley laid him back against the couch, the demon knelt between his spread legs. 

“I want you,” he breathed out, head tilted back against the arm of the couch as he felt those lips trail kisses down the front of his throat. Teeth bit and sucked against pale skin leaving marks that he wanted to remain, marks to show that this happened, that he was desired by the creature he’d wanted for years now. He tangled his fingers in fiery red hair, tugged and pulled until they were kissing again. Crowley’s tongue pressed into his mouth, Aziraphale pressed up against him needing him to feel how aroused he’d become from this, from him.

His moans were desperate as he felt a hand press against the front of his pants, rubbing and pressing against him as he pressed up against the palm of his hand. Crowley bit against the side of his neck, licked against his skin. “Are you sure?” He asked, voice rough and dripping with lust.

Aziraphale nodded, “yes, please, I need you.”

With a snap of his fingers they were in his bed, naked. Crowley still on top of him, knelt between his legs, lips trailing kisses over his chest and down over his protruding stomach, teeth nipped at his skin, he sucked leaving marks wherever he could. Aziraphale watched him, wanted to commit his beauty to memory, wondered if this would be their new normal, if they had just stumbled over the line into something more. His eyes closed when he felt a forked tongue run up along the underside of his hard cock, a warm wet mouth wrapping around the head sucking gently. He buried his fingers in his hair pushing, hips rolling as he pushed further into the demon’s mouth, felt as he swallowed around him taking his cock into his mouth as he sucked faster. Aziraphale moaned and praised him, back arching as he drew closer to his release, before he passed that point of pleasure Crowley pulled off him. He moved back up his body, leaned down kissing him. There was something sweet in the kiss, something full of love and need. Aziraphale never knew he could desire somebody as much as he desired him, he placed his hands against the demon’s shoulders pushing him back onto the bed moving on top of him. Crowley’s eyes were fully golden, black slits watching him with love and desire that should frighten him, but it only filled him with a strange sort of hope. He leaned down kissing along his jaw, his hand slid down the front of his body, nails scratching against his skin. His hand paused at his lower stomach, Crowley bucked his hips, a needy moan escaping him.

Aziraphale kissed along his skin, lips brushing against freckled skin that he’d adored always, but now he could properly love each inch of his body. His hand slid lower slipping between his spread legs, Crowley moaned as the angel’s index and middle finger teased his clit. He felt nails digging in against his shoulders, legs wrap around his lower back, Crowley’s moans grew in volume when the angel slipped two fingers inside him, felt how wet and needy he was for him. He licked against his collar bone, sucked against his skin leaving marks behind. He slipped his fingers out of him when Crowley begged for him, he kissed him deeply, wanted so terribly to whisper against his lips that he loved him, but the words died before they could be spoken. He slowly pushed his cock inside him, forehead pressed against his, eyes closing a she felt the wet heat of his body taking him in. Crowley’s fingers stroked along his jaw, he kissed him, gentle and sweet as he rocked back against him. Aziraphale took hold of his hands pressing them down against the bed, fingers laced together as he rocked into him, his pace slow and deep wanting to keep as close to him as possible. 

It was a beautiful thing being with him at last, all fears out of mind as he just focused on the gorgeous creature writhing below on him on the bed. The way Crowley moaned out his name, begged for him to go faster, thrust back against him, his long slender legs wrapped around his back. Aziraphale thrust into him harder, hands moving to his hips, grip firm as he thrust into him. There was a desperate need in their actions, in the way Crowley leaned up to kiss along his jaw, down the column of his throat, the way he pushed him onto his back, his cock slipping out of him in the process. Soon he was wrapped in his heat again, Crowley settled on his lap thrusting back against him, hands pressed against his chest as he leaned down kissing him with a hungry passion, teeth nipping at his bottom lip. Aziraphale buried his fingers in his hair, his other hand on his hip, needing to feel all of him as he thrust up against him. Crowley moaned, his voice rough with passion, eyes closing as he reached his release cumming around him, thighs trembling as his thrusts slowed, forehead pressed against his chest as he worked to catch his breathing. It wasn’t long before he finished inside him, hand rubbing soothingly along the demon’s back, there was a comfort in the weight of his friend’s body against him before he moved to lay by his side, another snap of his fingers and all mess was erased. 

Aziraphale turned onto his side to face him, reached up feeling suddenly cautious as he brushed his fingers against his cheek, Crowley leaned into his touch, eyes closed. “Stay the night, please.” 

“Are you sure?”

He nodded, swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Yes, I-I think it would be a good idea, I’d like you to be here.” He wanted him here always, he loved him, he wanted to so badly tell him that he loved him.

Crowley nodded his head, eyes opening and there was a pained expression in those eyes that stared back at him. Another gentle kiss before the demon was pulling him against himself, one black wing draping across the angel’s body as if shielding him from harm. Aziraphale soon fell asleep despite the fact he was a being who didn’t see the point in such a trivial human habit. He did feel safe though, Crowley’s body pressed against his, the way he held him in such a protective way through the night, the certainty that he’d wake to his beautiful face in the morning, and then they’d decide on what to do from here on out.

In the morning sun flooded in through the bedroom window, bright even through closed eyes. Aziraphale groaned feeling disorientated as he rolled away from the window, pulled the duvet up over his head to shield himself from the light. He didn’t enjoy sleep, it was complicated and wasted far too many hours, besides he woke unsure of where he was or what had happened the night before he fell into fitful slumber. His eyes opened when he remembered, remembered the church, Crowley in his bed, falling asleep with him curled against him. He sat up noticing his bedroom was empty and still as it always had been, he didn’t allow fear or anxiety to grip him yet. He was quick to dress, leaving his room and heading downstairs. He looked around his empty shop and saw he was alone, a glance out the window showed him the Bentley was no longer parked on the street. His heart sank as he realized he was alone. He felt too confused to be angry, worried for the worst, that Crowley hadn’t meant it, that it was a last time. He worried that he still was hurt from what had happened at St. James Park, that he had only saved him and then come home with him as a way to say a final goodbye without really having to say it. He felt bitter and idiotic as he sat alone in his shop, bitter towards a demon who was too selfish or cowardice to properly tell him he no longer wished to see him, could never love him.


End file.
